Justin Beiber

WHO AM I: Singer

Baby, baby, baby, I’m so hot and I know u know it,
Crazy, crazy, crazy, gonna drive you crazy before ya know it.

Yup, those are the lines of my next single, and I swear to u, I’m gonna look so delicious and sing so sexy that ur gonna wanna take me on as ur lover that very instant.

Justin Beiber

From the Admin Desk: Week 4

Hey, look, we know we promised to put Shah Rukh last week, but when my idiotic co-editor opened his web browser and saw the Earth Day Google Doodle, he had to put some silly environment-related thing for it. The closest we had was a post by Medha Patkar, which I thought was pretty boring and wanted to ditch. But due to co-editor’s crazy insistence, she came up on Real Celeb Fake Speak. I apologize for his sudden eruption of conscience and I promise you that the SRK post will come up on Monday. Have a good week ahead!

From the Admin Desk: Week 4

Medha Patkar

WHO AM I: Social Activist

Yesterday was Earth Day. Have you done anything for Earth Day? You’d better get up and plant a few trees or else I’m going to come and do a bhook hartal outside your house. Watch out, rich boys!

Medha Patkar

Perez Hilton

WHO AM I: Gossip blogger

Charlie is wasted, Britney is beyond repair, John Mayer is gay. Want more gossip? Just ask Uncle Perez.

Perez Hilton

Sania Mirza

WHO AM I: Indian tennis player

Don’t you guys have a life? Dude, my engagement is over, my marriage is done, even my honeymoon is nearly ending, par tum log to peecha hi nahin chodte! What’s your problem, man?

Yeah, I know, the wedding thing was a little quick. So what? Apparently, it wasn’t quick enough, coz the media got enough time to take my case. Ok, tell you what…I tell you the story of my marriage, and you leave me alone for the rest of your life. Deal? Good.

Sania Mirza

From the Admin Desk: Week 3

We were sitting at breakfast when my co-editor opened the newspaper, gave a small shriek and fell off her chair. What she read: Sania Mirza got married! We have to get her on our blog, she (co-editor, not Sania) kept saying, like a song on repeat. So I called up my pal at TOI who gave me Sania’s number, and after a lot of begging and bargaining (accompanied by random squealing), we have an exclusive post from Ms. Malik, nee Mirza. This is to cover up the article we got from Shah Rukh, which seems like his secretary just wrote down whatever he was saying at that moment. Hope you enjoy the Indian breakfast.

From the Admin Desk: Week 3

Daniel Radcliffe

WHO AM I: Actor

Would you like to get up, close and personal with me? Well, I’ll probably be reprising my role in Equus sometime this year, where you can see as much of me as you want, so keep some cash aside for buying tickets.

Daniel Radcliffe

Jorge Cham

WHO AM I: PHD Webcomic writer

Hey, have you guys read my comic? PHD Comics, man, don’t tell me you haven’t heard of it. Come on, you’ve gotta read it, it’s too much fun, and it’s damn addictive too. Oh, you’ve read it? Yippee!!

Jorge Cham

Bill Nye

WHO AM I: TV Personality

Bill Nye the Science Guy! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill Nye the Science Guy!

Hey kiddos now graduated into adults! Remember me? I’m Bill Nye the Science Guy! Yep, that guy who taught you more about science than all your teachers from kindergarten to grad school.

Bill Nye

From the Admin Desk: Week 2

Well, the iPad released last week, and we’d thought we’d release a Jobs post in celebration of the occasion (and to cash in on the iPad link rage). We knew his personal assistant (a.k.a. slave) quite well, so we thought it would be a piece of cake. But unfortunately, the girl we knew had been fired and a new assistant had taken her place, a guy we didn’t know (but are establishing connections with, right now). That guy laughed at us when we asked him if Jobs would write a post for us, and said “Meester Jobs write for an unknown (and at that time unreleased) blog? I doubt if even John Sculley would write for your blog!” We accepted the challenge and called Monsieur Sculley up. He jumped at the chance (nobody had called him for anything for a month!), and so we have a Sculley rant instead of a Jobs one. Our apologies to the Apple fans- we love Apple too, at least the eatable one, we don’t own any Apple gadgets (yet).

Look out for an interesting lineup this upcoming week. 

From the Admin Desk: Week 2

John Sculley

WHO AM I: Businessman

Please tell me you know who I am! I can see your eyes flicking to the Google search bar. Oh damn! You are an Apple fan! Hey, blog admins, this is secure, right? You’re not posting any of my private info, are you?

John Sculley

Miley Cyrus

WHO AM I: Singer, Actress

Oh, me n’ Liam are having such a great time! It’s gonna be good with us, we’re gonna rock the party, babe!

Miley Cyrus

Kate Gosselin

WHO AM I: TV Personality

Hey, you motherf***ing sons of b**ches! I’m awesome, I ROCK! You’d better vote for me on Dancing With the Stars or else I’m gonna come and bash your f***ass faces into the nearest wall. I want to win, okay. I WILL WIN.

Kate Gosselin

From the Admin Desk: Week 1

What’s up? Not much. Spent the whole of the last two days refreshing the inbox every five minutes waiting for Brad to reply, but he hasn’t, not yet. We’d planned a huge fireworks display of sorts, you know, getting Brad Pitt to write for us in the very first week. But Brad’s not been replying to our frantic mails and even more frantic calls; we think he and Angie are at it again (fighting or making out, we’re not sure, could be lots of both). So we’re stuck with a kind of insipid lineup for the week. Maybe it’s just as well, we’re not really sure if anybody other than us is reading this, so maybe we should save up the crackling posts for later.

Well, Happy Easter. And if you see Brad, will you please tell him to call us back? Tell him we’ll send over a magnificent roasted duck if he calls us quick.

P.S. Brad loves duck, and Angie is vegan. You know what happens next.

From the Admin Desk: Week 1

Simon Cowell

WHO AM I: Music and TV personality

Normally if you’d ask me what I thought of this blog, I’d tell you it was bullshit, an eyesore, a waste of space. But then, that’s what I thought of SuBo, and look at what she turned out to be. Thing is, I’m thinking of doing a little investment in the dot-com industry, and who knows, this blog could turn out to be the next big one, and then the owners won’t let me invest in it coz I badmouthed them earlier. So yeah, I think there is potential in this blog, and I’m proud to be its first writer.

Simon Cowell

The Intro Post: Coz Everything Needs an Introduction

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust on them. And some have a great contact list. We belong to the last category. We’ve done nothing great, but we know a lot of people (they may or may not be great, but that’s your perspective). So when we decided to start this blog, we did the easiest thing possible and called them up, asking them to write something. Most of them banged the phone down, but then we got in touch with their handlers and agents and all those behind-the-scene guys who we actually knew, and got those stuck-up shitfaces, er, busy celebs, to come around. See, we have to do absolutely nothing, just wheedle the guys into writing for us without making us bankrupt.

We want to become this uber celeb blog- have celebs in different fields rub virtual shoulders with each other. So we got the traditional entertainment personalities, we got sports stars, we got big businessmen, politicians, scientists, bloggers, whoever you can think of. We aim to become a prime spot for celebs to connect with ordinary people and losers like you to connect with your idols. We aim to become like the Late Show for blogs, except that we don’t ask any questions, the celebrities do all the talking. All we ask in return is that you give us lots of link love, shout out this blog’s name in your blogs and forums and everything, and comment here like your life depends on it, so that we can get more of your favorite celebs to write for us. You know those snooty celebs, they do nothing without an audience.

Watch out for a great lineup.

The Intro Post: Coz Everything Needs an Introduction