Baby, baby, baby, I’m so hot and I know u know it,
Crazy, crazy, crazy, gonna drive you crazy before ya know it.
Yup, those are the lines of my next single, and I swear to u, I’m gonna look so delicious and sing so sexy that ur gonna wanna take me on as ur lover that very instant.
U luuuuurv my awesome hair, right? U just feel like running ur fingers thru it, messing it up just a lil’ bit, u melt in ur seat when I do my superflip. Effing Efron is such a jealous dork, he once called me up at 3 in the night, drunk and totally out of control, and raved and ranted about how my hair was getting more press time than his. Sucker! I told him to go get a life (or hair product), and not waste my time. Loser! I was really scoring with this chick, ya know, when he called up n busted my ears. When I was done with him, I was in no mood for girls, I just wanted an aspirin n sleep.
Lemme let u in on a little secret. My hair was really rough and sandy once upon a time (oh, it seems so long ago), and I wud wear a wig for my performances, I was so embarrassed to show my hair. Then a guy gave me this stuff in a bottle and told me, rub it on ur scalp thrice a week, and in a coupla months, you’ll have awesome luscious hair. I did it, and it worked! But that’s not the end of the story. The guy who gave me the miraculous hair thingy was so shocked when he saw my great crop. He told me that it wasn’t any miracle hair lotion- he’d just mixed up eggs, tomatoes, dog shit n gasoline n given it to me, coz he knew how desperate I was for gud hair, n he wanted to have sum fun at my expense. I told him, dude, suck it! Joke’s on u now! I made him give me the formula n now I apply it everyday, n I’ve got hair better than anybody else on the planet.
Do u want a dinner date with the hottest sensation since… well, ever? I’m getting set into the music way of life n I’m looking for my first fling on the side. No, ya don’t have to do anything special for that. Just send in a video of u grooving to any of my songs, and the best one has booked herself a date. Top 5 videos get posted on my website. So get those booties shaking, coz Bieber wants to come a-making.
U luv my smile, u luv my hair,
I’m so hot, it’s just not fair.
That’s another song for ya.
Justin
