Friday, November 12, 2010

Sarah Palin

WHO AM I: Politician

Yo, let’s do this fast, people. I’ve a hockey match to go to, then a couple of Tea Party rallies to attend. Hey, so what if I didn’t become Vice-President, I’m still a very busy person.

I’m starting a new movement, and I’d like you to contribute to it. It’s called “Pray away the Gay”. See, gays are anomalies, put in by God to test our adherence to his principles, and we need to take up the challenge. So each of you will choose one person from the gay community and pray to God everyday for Him to take that person’s gayness away. Not any elaborate prayer- just insert this chant amongst your daily prayers.

“Oh Lord, we bow to Your mighty will,
 But there are some who don’t fit the bill,
Those who defy the law of nature
That love happens between opposite gender.
For those misguided souls we daily pray
Oh Lord, please take their gayness away, awaaaaaay
Oh Lord, please take their gayness away.”

Awesome, isn’t it? I wrote it myself, and I chant it everyday. See, what’ll happen is that the Lord will listen to all our prayers and grant gays some enlightenment. Then those people will themselves start praying to God to take their gayness away. God will have pity on them and rectify their anomaly, and they will become heterosexual. Brilliant plan, isn’t it? No persecution, no force, no laws involved; just simple prayer. I came up with this whole idea myself, it’s going to be the focus of my next book “Gay Rights: The Only Path is the Straight Path”.

I want all of you to sign up to my campaign (right now, the only signatories are my husband, my kids and my dog). Other than giving you bonus points in God’s book, you will also be eligible to win copies of my NYT #1 bestseller memoir Going Rogue: An American Life, signed by me, with a personalized note to you on the first page. It’ll be a jewel you’ll always treasure, especially when I run for the next Presidential elections and win and become the first President of the United States. It’ll be worth a fortune then. What? Oh, yeah, of course I meant first woman President.

Go sign up with or at the local offices, opening in your city shortly.


Image sourced from here