Sunday, October 31, 2010

From the Admin Desk: Week 13

Happy Halloween!!

Have fun trick-or-treating, scaring your friends by dressing in wacko costumes and partying all night long. And in case you're wondering what we are going to be dressing up as, well it's right here.

In case you're clueless, he's going as Megatron from Transformers and I'm going to be the White Queen from Alice in Wonderland.

This week, we're going to be bringing you three celebs who've hogged headlines over the past six months: you are probably sick of seeing their faces everywhere, from tabloids to E! News to gossip blogs. Well, they have extended their tentacles to this humble blog as well. Don't miss it, it'll be a lot of fun.

And once again, enjoy your Halloween.


Friday, October 29, 2010

Lestat De Lioncourt

A hundred years ago, if you had told me that my dinner would walk up to me and demand to be eaten, I’d have laughed in your face, called you an idiot and bitten your head off. I apologize for my presumptuous attitude; I really did not know that humans could be such fools.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Jacob Black

Have you ever been in love? A love so great, so all-encompassing and so fervent that everything else in the world seems a pale shadow in comparison. You wake up with her name on your lips, you sleep with her voice tinkling in your ears, you dream of her and her only. That is how I love my darling Renéesme.


Monday, October 25, 2010

Hermione Granger

Had I known that being married was such a pain, I would have stopped Harry from killing Voldemort that fateful day 13 years ago. For then my life would have had a purpose, a noble one, of saving the world from an evil, megalomaniacal super-wizard. As opposed to now, where I have to save myself from a human Galactus.


Sunday, October 24, 2010

From the Admin Desk: Week 12

Next Sunday is Halloween, and we decided to celebrate it in a special way. Instead of our usual celebs whining about their lives and their problems, we decided to get some people to write as fictional characters. We picked out some of the most popular characters in fantasy fiction, and mailed some really famous writers (not the creators of the characters, but other writers) to write a blog post from their viewpoint. So what we have is a funny, irreverent take on where the writers feel the characters are today. We hope you enjoy this diversion.


Friday, October 22, 2010

Sheila Dikshit

WHO AM I: Politician

This is impossible, I say. First that motherf***ing gora messes with my name, MY name. How dare he, that racist, sexist, misogynist pig (yeah, I know a lot of big words; I’m a M.A!)! Gag order or no gag order, I have the right to speak. And speak I will, through this blog, which is not based in India. So I can’t be penalized under Indian laws (or so I say).


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Abdul Karim Telgi

WHO AM I: Fraudster

Note: Don't ask us how we could get a jailed criminal to write for our blog. Suffice to say, we know someone who knows someone who knows Telgi, and as long as he didn't write anything incriminating any politician, the post could be published. And as for the classification of the post, what Telgi did comes under business. Shady criminal business, yes, but still business.

Aiyyo devre, why did I do stamp paper ka dhandha, when I could have earned crores just going into legitimate business like Kalmadi bhai? I wouldn’t have been in jail, I could have worn suit-boot and walked around with Prince Charles, all with crores of rupees in my Swiss bank account. I’m an idiot, I say.


Monday, October 18, 2010

Suresh Kalmadi

WHO AM I: Indian Olympic Committee Chairman

What and all you people said! Aiyyo, Kalmadi is a swindler, Kalmadi is a mafia man, all the money given to Kalmadi to make CWG stadiums has gone into building five-star apartments for the Kalmadi khandaan. I told everybody, you wait and see. The Commonwealth Games will be shining like diamonds, and I was right.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

From the Admin Desk: Week 11

Ever since the Commonwealth Games started in India, one half of this blogging team has been slightly distracted, praying that the whole thing doesn't come crashing down. The stadiums, I mean. Especially after those shit-laden pics were splashed all over the British press, that half has been making frantic phone calls to every living soul they know in India, trying to get the Indian Olympic Committee chairman for his comments. And finally, after the Games finished, he deigned to give us a piece. So, to get back at him for his high-handedness, and to soothe the other half's frayed nerves, I suggested that his post teamed up with that of a couple of notorious characters from India, who were quite eager to share their views with us. We think it's the best set of posts we've had in a long time. Keep reading, and tell us if you agree.


Friday, October 15, 2010

Lachlan Murdoch

WHO AM I: Businessman

Yeah, I know most of you don’t know me. I’m the eldest son of Rupert Murdoch, once upon a time heir apparent, a position darling Jimmy now holds. If you wiki me, you’ll learn that I resigned from News Corp and walked away to form a company of my own. After five years, I wanna tell you why.


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Jay Leno

WHO AM I: Talk show host

It’s been months since the whole Conan thing blew up, and people still think I’m the bad guy, despite me being extra nice on air nowadays. I’m not the bad guy. How could I be the bad guy? I’m the roly-poly jolly old uncle with the bellyful of laughs, I’m the God of Tonight, I’m Jay Leno. I’m a very nice guy, it’s all goddamn Brien’s fault.


Sunday, October 10, 2010

From the Admin Desk: Week 10

This week, one of our "esteemed" #@$% guests backed out, so there will be no post on Monday. But we have the self-crowned king of late-night up ahead, so that should be enough. Yeah, that fat old loser, the Cruella De Ville of TV, who can't let go of his long-gone crown. And we also have the Prince Charles of the business world- the heir who waited for the old king to die and ended up being booted off by papa dearest. That should be enough fun for this week- two non-kings.


Friday, October 8, 2010

Hugh Hefner

WHO AM I: Media mogul

I’m 84, baby, and I’m still rocking the show like an 18-year old. Losers, you guys don’t even get one girl in your entire lifetime, and here I am, frolicking around with 10 or 12 at a time! I even have a Top 10 list to choose from!


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Joaquin Phoenix

WHO AM I: Actor

Yeah, yeah, I’m still here. Did you enjoy my documentary? I know you guys were secretly thrilled at getting a ringside view of a Hollywood meltdown, even though you suspected it was all a fake. Yes, I’m coming out and saying it openly, again- Casey’s documentary was a fake, a hoax, a scam, dreamed up by the Legendary Phoenix. Me.


Monday, October 4, 2010

Katherine Heigl

WHO AM I: Actress

I’m pretty, I’m sexy, and I’m blond no more. And if you’re thinking of watching me make out with some more people in Grey’s, forget it. I’m not going back to that garage drama when I got bigger things on my plate.


Sunday, October 3, 2010

From the Admin Desk: Week 9

We've got a power-packed lineup to compensate for all those missed weeks. Ok, not so much power-packed as controversy-packed, but still, you get the gist. We have the actor who spent two years in character for a movie nobody watched, we have an actress who went from a show everybody watched to a hairstyle nobody wanted to watch and we have...well, why don't you just see for yourselves?


Friday, October 1, 2010

Mark Zuckerberg

WHO AM I: Internet entrepreneur

I’m trying to make the world a more open place by helping people connect and share. I’m interested in revolutionizing the information flow between people and making the world a freer, more open place. HA!! Gotcha!! You really fell for that?!?! Come on n00bs, I screwed my dorm-mates out of their share in Facebook, you really think I wouldn’t screw around with you? By the way, use Bing. It’s awesome!! (Bill, have my check ready, I’m promoting Microsoft here too). And, if you promote the Social Network movie, I’m gonna make sure that your FB account is cancelled. Got it?