Friday, November 5, 2010

Lindsay Lohan

WHO AM I: Actress

Good Lord! Who wakes people up at 6 friggin A.M? ‘Parently the retards behind this blog do. Those f***wits called me up at 6, and begged me to send in this stupid post which I was supposed to write four months back. Wateva, man! I was so pissed, I threw my cell out of the window! But then they called up a bunch of ma’ lackeys and here I am, writing this shit without my morning snort.

‘Parently, one of this blog’s admins has some connection with India, so I’m gonna talk about ma’ trip to India. Yeah, I know it was a long time ago, and I know u want me to talk about my recent, um, watevers, but hey, I’m writing this post, and I can write wat I want! Oh, I tell ya guys, it was so cool. No, I mean India was like really hot, and I so wanted to rip out my clothes that the poor beggar I was supposed to be feeding actually got scared n moved to another blondie. But seeing all those poor kids was awesome, their eyes popping out when they saw this pretty white chick handing out new clothes. Man, I rocked! I sang a couple of ma’ songs for them, though I’m sure those illiterate fools didn’t understand a word. But I think ma’ interpreter was playing around with me. I was tellin’ those patheticos about how sorry I felt for them n how I understood their pain coz I’ve been through similar stuff too, but they kept laughing as if I was tellin them about all the times I’d gotten high and done crazy stuff. B**ch!

I popped in a small trip to Goa (which wasn’t shown in the documentary), and I tell ya, those brownies really know how to live it up. I mean, I’d thought India to be full of that poverty shit and Third World crap, but they’ve got some cool psychedelic stuff too. Not just coke n’ ecstasy n’ all the stuff we do here, but some desi stuff too (don’t remember the names, gotta check them up). Their party scene ain’t too great, I honestly got bored, but I loved hanging out at the drug spots. And there were so many doped white chicks, nobody even recognized me in the smoky haze.

So, u wanna party with me? Hey, don’t make that face- I get invited to the most happenin ones, n one night out with me will make ur nightlife (n ur Hollywood life too!). Whatcha gotta do? Show me how much ya love me, how u r, like, ma’ biggest fan- stalk, streak, do wateva. Get creative, go crazy, after all, ur in love with Lindsay. Hey, that wud make a real cool song, ma’ next chartbuster. So, anyways, if u r ma’ biggest fan, u get to party hard with me, I’ll show u a life u never knew existed. Wen I get out of jail or parole or wateva it is I’m supposed to b doing.

Get busy. I need a snort up. Where’s ma’ coke?


Image sourced from here