Monday, January 3, 2011

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

WHO AM I: Reality show star

Everybody lurrrrrrrvs me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal. Yeah, baby! I rock your world, I know, even through the TV set. So y m I writing? I mean, seriously, writing, dude? I got an autobiography coming out, ain’t I saying enough in that? Well, yeah, but there’s nothing like too much Situation, ma’ man, if ya know wat I mean.

Y’know wat, God should have created girls without voices. That’d be like the perfect girl, y’know, who u cud roll around with u without getting into the whole drama later. I mean, look at my housemates. Snooki, she’s like Godzilla during Armageddon, and wen she speaks, it’s like The Siren of Hell or sumthin. Jolie thinks she’s the real thing, and goes off every 5 minutes like a half-assed firecracker, no show, all smoke and loud noises. God, wasn’t I glad when she got kicked off- her ass may be hot, but it ain’t one I wanna tap. Sammi’s just f***ing confused, she can’t get with a guy without getting the hots for sumone else. And JWoww, meh. So u see, it’d be so much better if girls didn’t have voices. I cud just go from one to the other without needing a hangover cure and a bucket of aspirin later.

So, I bet the question on all u dudes minds is, how do I get frigging awesome like The Situation? Well, I hate to break it to ya guys, but there is only one Situation. Ur never gonna bcum The Situation, even if ya sell ur wife’s boobs over the Internet. But u can try to be like 1/100 of what I am. And how to do it? Well, if u’ve been watching Jersey Shore, ya already picked up the basics. Yeah, GTL baby. Gym, Tanning, Laundry. If ur hitting the gym for anything less than an hour, ur so gone dude. And u really need ur own tanning bed in ur house. There’s no use having ripped up abs if u don’t have the tan to go with it. And fresh clothes. Dude, u gotta change shirts every hour. It’s like the main rule of guidoism, fresh laundry. Get these in order, n u can pick up a coupla chicks.

Enough with the guy talk. I ain’t interested in the guys, I just wanna talk to u chicks. U better be hot, the dude running this blog said u’d be hot. The Situation’s looking for new bed-buddies, cuz the ones in Jersey r kinda, u know, old meat. I know u girls luv me, so if u want to stroke these hot abs, u just need to ask. Send me ur photos, or links to ur MySpace page with hot pics. If The Situation likes wat he sees, then The Situation will cum down to tap it. N u can go tell ur friends, The Situation banged me. Hell, it’ll really raise ur street cred.

So wat u waiting for? The Situation doesn’t like to be kept waiting.

Luv u girls

The Situation