Monday, November 29, 2010

Rupert Murdoch

WHO AM I: Media mogul

Your generation is a pretty pathetic one. You want everything free: news, music, movies, TV, everything. Losers, there is no such thing as a free lunch, and you seem to have forgotten that. Well, I’m best at teaching people lessons they never forget. And that’s what I’m going to do now, just after I’ve got my daily job from Wendi dearest. Oh, you know, a good sex life produces hormones that prevent aging, and I’m determined to live till at least 110.


Sunday, November 28, 2010

From the Admin Desk: Week 17

I know we've been AWOL last week, and we're sorry. It was Hell Week, literally, with work swamping us up to the tips of my spiked hair. No Thanksgiving for us, only Cursethrowing. Anyway, this week is gonna be back to normal scheduled posts. We haven't decided who to feature as of yet, but look out for the lineup; it'll be amazing, as always. However, there are going to be a few design changes around the blog; we'll keep tweaking with the layout and stuff, so don't be surprised if the look changes with every refresh.

Anyways, wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. Hope you got your Christmas shopping started, or done. Don't be like me, running around to find my blog's co-owner a nice jacket a week before Christmas, when every shop and their mother were out of decent stuff.


Monday, November 22, 2010

Conan O' Brien

WHO AM I: Talk show host

Bit of a hurry here, I’ve got to go do a comedy sketch at my neighbor’s “We bought our first Lamborghini” party. I’m actually quite busy these days. Tina asked me to ghostwrite for 30 Rock, my standup-comic-at-party invite inbox is close to overflowing and I’m taking dance classes (salsa, jive, hip-hop, Kathak and tap dance). I’ve got a new show on air as well, but I had a lot of fun when I was jobless, and I want to retain some of that even when I have a show to host.


Sunday, November 21, 2010

From the Admin Desk: Week 16

Well, we have nothing much to say. Work is a little hectic, and we barely found time to get the posts up. Enjoy the lineup.


Friday, November 19, 2010

Michelle Bachmann

WHO AM I: Politician

$200 million dollars a day, 3000 people, 500 rooms, 40 aircraft, 37 warships! Obama’s trip is not extravagant, it’s life-threatening. Oh, you read that forward. Good one, right? My office drafted the mail, I put in the numbers, based on random people’s fantasy baseball league scores.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Carl Icahn

WHO AM I: Business mogul

With great power comes even greater power. Uncle Ben may not have approved of this quote, but I live my life by it. It’s a great feeling, knowing that you hold so many little people in your hands, and what you do can impact them in so many different ways.


Monday, November 15, 2010

Tila Tequila

WHO AM I: Starlet

I’m better, I’m so much better now. My heart is finally healing. And my book, Hooking up With Tila Tequila, is selling faster than my videos. WOO!!


Sunday, November 14, 2010

From the Admin Desk: Week 15

We were just going through our mail and we found three things. One was the three hundredth mail from Tila Tequila to publish her post. We got her post a long while back and just forgot about it coz, well, who wants to think about her? I thought, fine, let's publish her post, at least she'll stop spamming us.

Another has been a very popular mail doing the rounds: Obama's foreign tour expenses. If you've watched Fox News, you definitely know the whole balance sheet, including how many toilet rolls he's going to be using. We decided to try and find the source of the mail and after a lot of high-tech backtracking by a good friend, we traced the source to, who else, a GOP person! Well, she was only too happy to talk. We've also got a big-ticket business dude up here, a corporate raider who makes companies tremble in their boxers. Hope you have fun reading what they have to say.

The third thing. It was from my boss. He wanted to know why I was wasting company time doing all this "absolute nonsense".


Friday, November 12, 2010

Sarah Palin

WHO AM I: Politician

Yo, let’s do this fast, people. I’ve a hockey match to go to, then a couple of Tea Party rallies to attend. Hey, so what if I didn’t become Vice-President, I’m still a very busy person.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Christine O'Donnell

WHO AM I: Politician

Zoobi zoobi zalaaboo! Zoobi zoobi zalaaboo! If you’re wondering what that’s all about, it’s a small witch chant I use to begin all my written material. Till date, no paper or journal has published it, but these people are really cool. I think I’ll write for blogs more often; Michelle (Malkin, not Obama) would like that.


Monday, November 8, 2010

Michelle Malkin

WHO AM I: Political blogger

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t even write for a blog like this, one run by a person whose grandfather came over to sweep New York’s streets and who now works at one of the most evil corporations in the world- a bank whose best achievement is committing fraud. But media is media, and I will even come on B**chy Behar’s show to prove that she’s a jackass, so I guess I can make an exception for this non-entity.


Sunday, November 7, 2010

From the Admin Desk: Week 14

To our Indian readers, we wish

Happy Diwali!!

Enjoy the lights and the sweets, but stay safe.

So the midterm elections in the U.S. are done, the Dems have received quite a drubbing. We don't subscribe to any party, but the Republican resurgence, primarily the Tea Party wave, deserves a nod from us. So we called up three prominent female faces of the Tea Party and begged them to write for us. One of them is a vitriolic conservative blogger, another was the Republican nominee from Delaware, and the third one is so familiar that you've probably already guessed who she is.

It was a tough job, getting in touch with them and convincing them that we were genuinely interested in what they had to say, and that their posts would not end up being parodied on Jon Stewart's show (it may, but we wouldn't have leaked advance copies). We'll try and have the Democratic point of view as well, when they sneak out of their bunkers and turn on their cellphones.


Friday, November 5, 2010

Lindsay Lohan

WHO AM I: Actress

Good Lord! Who wakes people up at 6 friggin A.M? ‘Parently the retards behind this blog do. Those f***wits called me up at 6, and begged me to send in this stupid post which I was supposed to write four months back. Wateva, man! I was so pissed, I threw my cell out of the window! But then they called up a bunch of ma’ lackeys and here I am, writing this shit without my morning snort.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Sandra Bullock

WHO AM I: Actress

I guess I’ve done enough of the dignified silence thing. My f***head of an ex-husband is parading his latest conquest, and tabloids have moved on from my divorce to Courteney’s impending one. I can talk freely about this, you know, do the whole dignified heartbroken wife moving on to better things.


Monday, November 1, 2010

Charlie Sheen

WHO AM I: Actor

You’d better leave awesome comments on this post, or else I’m gonna personally drive down to your house and beat the shit out of you.