Monday, November 15, 2010

Tila Tequila

WHO AM I: Starlet

I’m better, I’m so much better now. My heart is finally healing. And my book, Hooking up With Tila Tequila, is selling faster than my videos. WOO!!

U have no idea how heartbroken I was when Casey (you know, my wife) died. Her family, her horrible, mean family, who cut her out of their lives, suddenly figured that Case belonged to them. Those lying bits of scum, they said our engagement was fake! How cud they? Our luv was so beautiful, so deep, purer than Evian water. I was so upset when they refused to let me see my darling wifey for the last time, to kiss those perfect lips, to say goodbye to her. Oh, I was so depressed, I had 3 suicide hotlines on speed dial!  And Larry, he wouldn’t let me come on his stupid show. Fogie, who does he think he is? I’m Tila Tequila, I have more than a million MySpace friends, while the only people who watch his stupid show are bored housewives. Good thing he's choking on his suspenders.

So, u guys know about TilaTequila Records, don’t ya? It’s my year, baby, I’m getting all sorts of awards for my biz sense, CEOs are contacting me coz of my Empire and CEO sense. Woohoo!! Go download my songs and dance to them while reading my book. And if u want more of me, u can try out for the new season of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. Yes, there is going to be a new season. I’m still lonely and looking for love, and the ratings were chartbusters. U can find out more hot gossip at Am I done with all my self-promotion? Songs. Check. Show. Check. Gossip blog. Check. Oh yeah, if u wanna know anything more about me, go to my MySpace page (become my friend) or my website Tila’s Hot Spot. Woooo!!

So, u want more of Tila Tequila? Well, I’m looking for a hot dancer for my new video. It’s gonna be so hot, it’s about a student who goes to a strip club and discovers that the hot history teacher is also a stripper, coz of her multiple personality thing! Woo! I’m gonna be the hot teacher, and I’m looking for a student. Guy or girl, doesn’t matter. U get to do the moves with me, and if u r gud, u get to be naughty with me. Just send me a video of u doing ur thing on the dance floor, and if u r the sexiest dancer, we’re on, baby! Bonus points if u r dancing to my song.

Get grooving, coz ur Tequila shot is ready to be served! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!