Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Carl Icahn

WHO AM I: Business mogul

With great power comes even greater power. Uncle Ben may not have approved of this quote, but I live my life by it. It’s a great feeling, knowing that you hold so many little people in your hands, and what you do can impact them in so many different ways.

When I was young, I watched Godfather, and I fell in love with the movie. I decided that I would model my way of working on the Godfather’s; when I stepped into the field, a respectful hush would fall, and people would tremble and fall on their knees. I’ve achieved just that. Whenever Carl Icahn’s name is mentioned in conjunction with a company, top executives start making retirement plans. Every company is a potential target, every CEO a potential victim. Was it lonely at the top? Did I not want a few friends to share my thoughts with? I did, so I bought a bunch of dogs- better friends than any people you will ever find, who shut up when you ask them to. And then I met Larida, my favorite horse, and it was love at first sight. I bought her for what my wife said was an insane amount, and went riding every day. It was an exhilarating experience, from which I returned rejuvenated to tear companies apart.

Most companies are run by a bunch of fools. Some of them are over-idealistic with quixotic visions and unattainable missions; others just have too much confidence in their ability to do things they have no clue about. When I step in, usually it’s the best bloody thing that could happen to the company. I keep telling everyone, it’s not personal, it’s strictly business, but nobody understands. Then I have to resort to arm-twisting and non-subtle threats to get those headless chickens to stop fluttering about and get to work My Way. Why don’t people understand- resistance is futile, I WILL do what I want and NOBODY can stop me. If you try, you’ll just get burnt.

What I want from this blog is a good business writer. My website, the Icahn Report, has been languishing for some time, and I want to put it to work to make my acquisitions easier. I’ve got my eye on a few biggies (Google maybe, or Apple, I’m not telling right now) which are going to kick up a lot of fuss, so I need a good, combative writer to set the pitch for what is to come.  If you are a good business writer, and are searching for ways to be heard, send a sample article to me. If they are good, you get to ghostwrite for my blog. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, better than any writing gig you’ll ever get, coz this gives you entry into the World of Icahn. Remember, power is everything, so when I offer you some of it, don’t be a fool and turn away.

You’re either powerful, or you’re a loser. There isn’t a third option.