Friday, October 1, 2010

Mark Zuckerberg

WHO AM I: Internet entrepreneur

I’m trying to make the world a more open place by helping people connect and share. I’m interested in revolutionizing the information flow between people and making the world a freer, more open place. HA!! Gotcha!! You really fell for that?!?! Come on n00bs, I screwed my dorm-mates out of their share in Facebook, you really think I wouldn’t screw around with you? By the way, use Bing. It’s awesome!! (Bill, have my check ready, I’m promoting Microsoft here too). And, if you promote the Social Network movie, I’m gonna make sure that your FB account is cancelled. Got it?

I really love you losers. I was one myself, you know, once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away. But then I got drunk, got lucky, and very shockingly, got popular. Know how popular is spelt, nerd herd? It’s spelt Facebook. I’ve got all you guys to thank for. I mean, you guys couldn’t get a real life, so you decided to promulgate (yeah, I know big words dude, I’m a psych major) your virtual one. You poked, you warred, you posted, you apped, you just made me richer and richer. Dude, you know what I’m worth? So much that I’ll never ever need Mint to manage my finances. All coz Jessica dumped me. Ha, now you wish you’d stayed, don’t you, b**ch? Microsoft rocks, Google sucks.

Want a share of the Facebook pie? Make an app for me. Yeah, that’s why I’m on this blog, looking for brand new app makers. That’s why I am not posting on my Wall, which has more visitors than this blog could have in its entire lifetime. I’m looking for fresh blood, not jaded old hacks who write an algo to find out what’s popular and write their apps around that. I’m pretty sure the readers of this blog (if there are any) are a lot less tech, so you’ll come up with something dumb, er… hot. You get some money and a few headlines, I get a lot more money and many more headlines. Get coding, dweebs, coz that’s what I did before I got cool.

And, coz I’m this hotshot young entrepreneur who made his fortune when others were dreaming of theirs, I gotta give a few words of advice. They are: Be smart, screw the rest. You could be a coding genius, you could be a fountain of ideas, but you’re nothing if you don’t know how to kick others into the mud. Watch Godfather, read Sun Tzu, learn how to be ruthless. You can hope to be me one day. Live free, prosper, and use only Facebook. Oh yes, and Windows.

May the Face be with you,


Image sourced from here