Friday, August 20, 2010

Mark Cuban

WHO AM I: Entrepreneur

Hey, go get your Mavs merchandise NOW! You buy stuff, I get richer, I buy new players and fire the queens in charge.

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: Google is a vampire. Google is a bloodsucker, dude. They glamour you with dreams of high revenue, then suck most of your ad money out of you. You spend hours building high traffic sites, and then they gather you in with all the other garbage sites that form their search results, and give you a measly few dollars in return. Guys, put up your own ads on your sites, block Google’s aggregation and be the master of your own money.

Some f***wits are saying it’s hypocritical of me to criticize Google when Mahalo, in which I’ve invested some of my moolah, does pretty much the same thing. What bullshit!  Mahalo provides a well-rounded searching experience, with videos and images and snippets and what not. We don’t just pick any arbit link that comes our way, we are refined and classy. We may be doing something similar to Google, but our approach makes all the difference. Google is Count Dracula, evil and bloodthirsty, Mahalo is Edward Cullen, cool and loving. So get your socks out of your mouths, idiots, and go watch a Mavs match to clear your heads and your writing.

So, losers, I need a decent PR team to change my image. I’ve already set the ball rolling by buying the Mavs and thumping my chest at all their matches. But I can’t do all the work myself, I need a team of minions to feed news of my conquests to the right sources (and pick up my laundry when I ask them to). Send in your résumé detailing your best PR achievement till date: if you managed to package Gaga as a nun or Murdoch as a philanthropist, I wanna hear about it. It’s going to be a challenging job, so if you’ve done no better work than selling your mum’s homemade jams to everybody, I don’t want to hear about you. Hell, I wish the earth would open up and swallow you.

Go buy seats for the next Mavs match, and catch your future employer at work.


Image sourced from here and here