Monday, October 18, 2010

Suresh Kalmadi

WHO AM I: Indian Olympic Committee Chairman

What and all you people said! Aiyyo, Kalmadi is a swindler, Kalmadi is a mafia man, all the money given to Kalmadi to make CWG stadiums has gone into building five-star apartments for the Kalmadi khandaan. I told everybody, you wait and see. The Commonwealth Games will be shining like diamonds, and I was right.

Dekho bhaiyya, in India everything is done in last minute. When you go to Indian wedding, five minutes before the pheras, everyone will be running around searching for varmala, flowers, mangalsutra, sindoor, bride, groom. See, if you cook food early, it will go cold, go stale and be not nice for eating purpose. You cook food ten minutes before serving, so that guests can eat it piping hot and forget about any inconsistencies in preparation. Same with the Games. You saw no, we built some of those stadiums long time before due date and they started leaking. If we had built them just a few days before the Games starts, it would have held up until the Games ended. That’s why I said, build the Games Village at the very end. It’ll be fresh when those videshi khiladis will come, so no complaints.

I don’t understand this whole khitpit about money mismanagement in the CWG. Arre, we all are human, we also need some money to fulfill basic needs- five star dinners, Armani suits, real estate in Delhi. After all that only, we can start building stadiums and all, na?  My friends gave me little kharcha-pani for giving them contracts, no shady deals involved. Anyway, government has lots of money, so dus-bees crore yahaan wahaan jaata hai to kya tension? And look at the infrastructure also, it is really good. We have world-best stadiums, housing, food, everything. So just relax, baba, and enjoy the sports.

Haan, so Commonwealth is over, but I can still give you something. See, all those houses we built in the Games Village will now be khaali. Yes, Govt will auction off houses like they did in Asian Games Village in Bangalore, but I can get you one of those houses now. Arre, Delhi mein ghar milna aasaan nahin hai, to when I am giving it to you, you should be taking it with folded hands. And they will be clean also, with fresh paint and everything. So send me your bids. And don’t send some 30-40 lakh bids, those houses are worth atleast one crore. Samjhe na?

Jai Hind!

Suresh Bhau

Image sourced from here