Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Abdul Karim Telgi

WHO AM I: Fraudster

Note: Don't ask us how we could get a jailed criminal to write for our blog. Suffice to say, we know someone who knows someone who knows Telgi, and as long as he didn't write anything incriminating any politician, the post could be published. And as for the classification of the post, what Telgi did comes under business. Shady criminal business, yes, but still business.

Aiyyo devre, why did I do stamp paper ka dhandha, when I could have earned crores just going into legitimate business like Kalmadi bhai? I wouldn’t have been in jail, I could have worn suit-boot and walked around with Prince Charles, all with crores of rupees in my Swiss bank account. I’m an idiot, I say.

Bhai, hamare zamaane mein yeh white collar crime zyaada profitable nahin tha. I mean, we had government officers taking bribe and all, but it was few hundreds of rupees. And that time India was, what you call, not globalized. No Satyam, no Commonwealth. There was only construction projects and defence deals to steal money from. Aur bhaiya hum rahe poor vegetable seller, how I can get sarkari naukri? I didn’t try that hard also. Mere ko laga stamp paper dhandha has more money in short time. It did. Police say I scammed 43000 crore rupees. But I tell you, that is not even one-third of my kamaai. I won’t tell you how much I made; then I can’t bargain with my jailors any more. But I will tell you, I made more money than Ambani bhai makes legitimately (sorry, I can’t match his black money stash).

But I should have joined some party, or gone for some chota-mota clerk job in government. Aiyyo, see na, that Kallu went from Youth Congress worker to Railway Minister to IOC Chairman. I was stupid, looking for short-term gains. If I was smart and well-educated like Kallu bhai, I would have planned for future. I wouldn’t be stuck in jail. Salaam to you, Kallu bhai. Will you teach me a few tricks?

I really want to meet Kallu bhai, but I’m afraid he’ll think I’m too chota for his taste. To attract him, I have a proposal. I still have lots of my money hidden away. I can offer some to bhai, but I need someone to contact him. These blog people tell me that there is lot of reach of Internet; you can find any person anywhere anytime. So I am making humble request to you: please put me in touch with Kallu bhai. Tell him I want to meet him, learn how to be shaana businessman from him. Tell him I have many crores hidden away, and he can have some of it. If you convince him for me, I will pay you two crore rupees. You will not need to work ever, you can take the money and start business of your own. And you can be like Bill Gates or Mukesh Ambani or whoever your role model is.

Koi mujhe mere jail se nikaalo

Telgi bhai

Image sourced from here