Friday, October 22, 2010

Sheila Dikshit

WHO AM I: Politician

This is impossible, I say. First that motherf***ing gora messes with my name, MY name. How dare he, that racist, sexist, misogynist pig (yeah, I know a lot of big words; I’m a M.A!)! Gag order or no gag order, I have the right to speak. And speak I will, through this blog, which is not based in India. So I can’t be penalized under Indian laws (or so I say).

That kalmuhi Kalmadi, what a backstabbing b***ard he turned out to be! His cut in the CWG budget was more than he deserved, and it was only because of his connections with Sonia madam that he got away with so much. I could have slashed his kharcha-pani by half if I had let loose some secrets about that secret South Delhi apartment that he has, and the things that go on over there, but I kept quiet. Because we were in this together; I let his cats out of the bag and he lets my tigers out. But that shoddy work was way too much to bear. Idiot couldn’t even build structures that lasted for a month! All that stupid over-bridge had to do was stand still for a few more days, and then nobody would have cared. Because structures are collapsing all over India; who would care for a measly foot-bridge? Par nahin, us bewakoof ki bhook kuch zyaada hi nikli, and nearly dragged my government down with him. Obviously I wasn’t going to let him come anywhere close to the Games Village cleanup operation! I had told him weeks ago, photographers will come, keep some rooms clean and show them those. But the pompous ass decided to do things his own way. Let him suffer!

But that fatso knows a lot of stuff about me. He’s kept copies of all the financial records, even the ones I had destroyed. He can get me into a lot of trouble. So I’ve come up with a counter-operation where he’ll be so discredited that nobody will believe a word he says. I’m going to take him down, but I’m not going to do anything personally. On November 1st, I have given orders for anti-Kalmadi rallies to be organized everywhere. All you have to do is be there and sign up for the Congress party worker sheet that will be passed around (yes, it’s going to double up as a recruitment campaign). Kalmadi will be booed, Soniaji will be happy with the number of new recruits (you guys), and you will get preferential treatment when allotment of the Games Village homes comes up. Win-win for all. So what you doing, go check out the Delhi Govt website for more info.