Friday, October 8, 2010

Hugh Hefner

WHO AM I: Media mogul

I’m 84, baby, and I’m still rocking the show like an 18-year old. Losers, you guys don’t even get one girl in your entire lifetime, and here I am, frolicking around with 10 or 12 at a time! I even have a Top 10 list to choose from!

It’s been a good life, no regrets. When you’re a teenager, you have these grand dreams of being rich and famous, having a million girls hanging around you, playing with a billion hearts. Well, I’ve done all that and more. I’ve had more women in my bed than there are stars in the sky, and I’m still strong as an ox. I need no artificial stimulants to jazz up- my years of experience have helped me be as good in bed now as I was when I was 20. When I was younger, I used to keep this little black book of women I slept with, but when the “little” black book turned into the frigging War and Peace-style tome which needed two assistants to carry around, I stopped. But then the PC became popular, and I restarted my list on a spreadsheet. So I’ve got nearly a complete list of every girl I’ve slept with, barring a few years in the middle (that’s hundreds of girls missing, I know, but well… these things happen).

I’m thinking of starting this database of chicks, you know, at least the ones I’ve slept with. I’ll include vital stats- height, weight, age, along with personal ratings- how good in bed, what she likes, how to hit on her, etc. Think you guys will be interested in that? I’ll put it up as a website, you know, Hefner’s Chicks, or something like that, so the next time you want to hit on a girl, you just go to my website and check her out, coz chances are that I would have hit on her first. There’ll be girls for everyone- petite chicklets (mostly), older hens, even a few menopausal ones for the oldies among you. Thing is, I’m not really a pro with computers. I can check mail and surf for hot girls and stuff like that, but maintaining a website and going through my archives to create a fully functional database is a lot of work. So if any of you want to take over webmaster duties, just drop me a line. We’ll set up an interview, and if you can do all that I want you to, the job is yours. There are many perks, dude- access to the Playboy mansion, the parties, the Playboy life as such. Don’t miss this fab opportunity, it’s not everyday that Hugh Hefner offers you a job.

Gotta go. I’ve got a new batch of models to check out.


Image sourced from here