Sunday, January 16, 2011
From the Admin Desk: Week 24
Sometimes it's tough to be funny, especially when you see a nine-year old girl's funeral. In this climate of increased vituperative rhetoric, we really hope President Obama's speech didn't fall on deaf ears. We hope that people don't forget Christina Green's death within the next 24-hour news cycle. We hope that people will take some time to think about what has been happening, and whether it would be wise to let it continue.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Selena Gomez
WHO AM I: Actress
Well, Miley's off bonging to high heavens, any mention of Jonas sends Demi into hysterical fits, so it seems like I'm the last Disney princess still standing. WOOO!!! I gotta get my agent to hike my prices, this is a reallllly good opportunity to fleece those Disney suits.
Everything is perfect in Selenaland. I've got three of Demi's movies and two of Miley's, along with two of my own, so ur gonna see a lot of this wizard in the next couple of years. And I'll be taking over Demi's place in Sonny with a Chance; Disney is keeping it secret but the show's gonna focus on Sonny's cousin Bonnie (me!) who joins the cast when Sonny is away doing a movie or sumthin. And my band's gonna go on tour next summer, so save up ur pocket money 4 those tickets!
Ok, m I done with the promotion stuff? Can I please talk bout wat I wanna talk? Yea? Cool. Coz wat I really wanted to talk about was my lil thing with Bieber. I love him. Yes, I'm coming out n saying it loud, the Beebs is my first love, n I'm his. 'Parently he fell 4 me wen he saw my show, n he's been trying to cook up the courage to ask me out 4 a while. So sweet, na? We're so good together, we're Justina, the next Brangelina, except 4 the fact that I'm so much hotter than that wrinkled old shrew. People r making so much about me being 2 yrs older than him, but hey, if Demi Moore can romp around with Ashton, who looks like the kid she had at 18, u got no right to throw stones at me. Age aint the deciding factor, it's how gud u r in kiss n cuddle that makes the diff.
N for all my fans, here’s a special sumthin. Go 2 my website n u’ll find a quest. Answer a few lil questions abt me to prove how big a fan u r, n u can unlock sum doors, d last of which is a safe. N in that safe u’ll find a very special gift: a song Beebs n I sang together. It’s gonna be out in, like, a coupla weeks, but u, my fans, can get a very special preview. No, can’t give ya the whole song, sorry, u’d just leak it online n eat away those billions of dollars I’m gonna make.
Well, Miley's off bonging to high heavens, any mention of Jonas sends Demi into hysterical fits, so it seems like I'm the last Disney princess still standing. WOOO!!! I gotta get my agent to hike my prices, this is a reallllly good opportunity to fleece those Disney suits.
Everything is perfect in Selenaland. I've got three of Demi's movies and two of Miley's, along with two of my own, so ur gonna see a lot of this wizard in the next couple of years. And I'll be taking over Demi's place in Sonny with a Chance; Disney is keeping it secret but the show's gonna focus on Sonny's cousin Bonnie (me!) who joins the cast when Sonny is away doing a movie or sumthin. And my band's gonna go on tour next summer, so save up ur pocket money 4 those tickets!
Ok, m I done with the promotion stuff? Can I please talk bout wat I wanna talk? Yea? Cool. Coz wat I really wanted to talk about was my lil thing with Bieber. I love him. Yes, I'm coming out n saying it loud, the Beebs is my first love, n I'm his. 'Parently he fell 4 me wen he saw my show, n he's been trying to cook up the courage to ask me out 4 a while. So sweet, na? We're so good together, we're Justina, the next Brangelina, except 4 the fact that I'm so much hotter than that wrinkled old shrew. People r making so much about me being 2 yrs older than him, but hey, if Demi Moore can romp around with Ashton, who looks like the kid she had at 18, u got no right to throw stones at me. Age aint the deciding factor, it's how gud u r in kiss n cuddle that makes the diff.
N for all my fans, here’s a special sumthin. Go 2 my website n u’ll find a quest. Answer a few lil questions abt me to prove how big a fan u r, n u can unlock sum doors, d last of which is a safe. N in that safe u’ll find a very special gift: a song Beebs n I sang together. It’s gonna be out in, like, a coupla weeks, but u, my fans, can get a very special preview. No, can’t give ya the whole song, sorry, u’d just leak it online n eat away those billions of dollars I’m gonna make.
Image sourced from here
Monday, January 10, 2011
Demi Lovato
WHO AM I: Actress
Yo ho and a bottle of rum! And then I break the bottle and use a shard to carve Joe’s name close to my heart. NO! Why should I hurt myself? I’ll take that shard and plunge it into Ashley’s stomach. Yeah, yeah, that’ll be good revenge. But I really need to figure out how to get the hell out of rehab first. Aaaaaaarrgh…I’m going crazy again.
Joe came to visit me a few days back, thankfully without his wh*re in tow. He said he was really sorry for the way we broke up and how he moved on without looking back at how I was doing. He gave me a light kiss, which deepened when we realized how much we cared for each other. And then one thing led to another, and before we knew it we were in the broom closet, all over each other.
Which leads me to my big announcement: Joe and I are getting back together! WOOO!!! It's not totally official yet, coz Joe has to dump that b**ch and I have to convince the docs I'm not hallucinating. These medicos are such asses, they say I've had a complete nervous breakdown and am hallucinating about Joe, cuz apparently Joe has never come by the rehab house. Yeah, right! I know I'm nuts about Joe, but I'm not that nuts! U know wat I’m thinking? Those docs are in the pay of the CIA. Yeah, yeah, that’s y they’re so eager to do all those tests on me n get me to write everything about who I wanna be n wat I feel. The U.S. Govt. is jealous that I’m more popular than them, n they want to destroy me. No, I’m not gonna let them do that! NO WAY! Wait, did they force Joe to enter into a relationship with that b**ch? Oh My God!!! I gotta get out of here before they brainwash me n ruin my career!
I have a special treat for my fans, who've stood by me while I went after my true love. Wedding bells are in the air for me, and two of my lucky fans can plan it. Just send in your plans for your dream wedding, your wedding book, actually. The two best ones can collaborate to plan my lavish wedding, money not an issue. So touch up your wedding books, my ladies, while I go dig up my escape tunnel.
Yo ho and a bottle of rum! And then I break the bottle and use a shard to carve Joe’s name close to my heart. NO! Why should I hurt myself? I’ll take that shard and plunge it into Ashley’s stomach. Yeah, yeah, that’ll be good revenge. But I really need to figure out how to get the hell out of rehab first. Aaaaaaarrgh…I’m going crazy again.
Joe came to visit me a few days back, thankfully without his wh*re in tow. He said he was really sorry for the way we broke up and how he moved on without looking back at how I was doing. He gave me a light kiss, which deepened when we realized how much we cared for each other. And then one thing led to another, and before we knew it we were in the broom closet, all over each other.
Which leads me to my big announcement: Joe and I are getting back together! WOOO!!! It's not totally official yet, coz Joe has to dump that b**ch and I have to convince the docs I'm not hallucinating. These medicos are such asses, they say I've had a complete nervous breakdown and am hallucinating about Joe, cuz apparently Joe has never come by the rehab house. Yeah, right! I know I'm nuts about Joe, but I'm not that nuts! U know wat I’m thinking? Those docs are in the pay of the CIA. Yeah, yeah, that’s y they’re so eager to do all those tests on me n get me to write everything about who I wanna be n wat I feel. The U.S. Govt. is jealous that I’m more popular than them, n they want to destroy me. No, I’m not gonna let them do that! NO WAY! Wait, did they force Joe to enter into a relationship with that b**ch? Oh My God!!! I gotta get out of here before they brainwash me n ruin my career!
I have a special treat for my fans, who've stood by me while I went after my true love. Wedding bells are in the air for me, and two of my lucky fans can plan it. Just send in your plans for your dream wedding, your wedding book, actually. The two best ones can collaborate to plan my lavish wedding, money not an issue. So touch up your wedding books, my ladies, while I go dig up my escape tunnel.
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