Suresh Kalmadi

WHO AM I: Indian Olympic Committee Chairman

What and all you people said! Aiyyo, Kalmadi is a swindler, Kalmadi is a mafia man, all the money given to Kalmadi to make CWG stadiums has gone into building five-star apartments for the Kalmadi khandaan. I told everybody, you wait and see. The Commonwealth Games will be shining like diamonds, and I was right.

Suresh Kalmadi

LeBron James

WHO AM I: Basketball player

Hey, Cavvies! Stop calling me at crazy hours! I’ve changed my number like a million times, but still some punk manages to call me up when I’m in the middle of something. Someone, more specifically. I’ve got recordings of all those calls, and the day I find you assholes, I WILL kill you.

LeBron James

Fabio Capello

WHO AM I: Football coach

Roo's been here, has he? The worthless lazy good-for-nothing pathetic scoundrel, he's the worst of the band of nincompoops I had to bring to South Africa. He's out of my team, that's for sure. I will put a pot-smoking country hick in his place, but I will not call him back.

Fabio Capello

Wayne Rooney

WHO AM I: Footballer

STOP BOOING! Or else I'm gonna come and kick ya arse! Whether or not I can kick a football into the net, I can still kick ass. Like hell! So if ur the one forwarding those cheesy "David Blaine is pissed coz his world record of doing nothing for 42 hours has been broken by Wayne Rooney!" messages, stop it RIGHT NOW, or u won't know what hit u.

Wayne Rooney

Diego Maradona

WHO AM I: Football coach

UPDATE: Despite pressure from Maradona's people to take this post off air, we have decided to let it stay. The next time El Diego tries to thump his chest, we will politely point him to this post and the numerous articles on the Argentinian World Cup debacle.

Suck it, ya losers! And keep sucking it till you can say it in your sleep- 'El Diego ROX!!!'

Diego Maradona

Sania Mirza

WHO AM I: Indian tennis player

Don’t you guys have a life? Dude, my engagement is over, my marriage is done, even my honeymoon is nearly ending, par tum log to peecha hi nahin chodte! What’s your problem, man?

Yeah, I know, the wedding thing was a little quick. So what? Apparently, it wasn’t quick enough, coz the media got enough time to take my case. Ok, tell you what…I tell you the story of my marriage, and you leave me alone for the rest of your life. Deal? Good.

Sania Mirza

Sports

They are often as well known for their showmanship on the field as they are for their antics off it. Here are some of the sportsmen (and women) who can make time stop still.

Suresh Kalmadi
LeBron James
Fabio Capello
Wayne Rooney
Diego Maradona
Sania Mirza

Sports