Monday, June 21, 2010

Diego Maradona

WHO AM I: Football coach

UPDATE: Despite pressure from Maradona's people to take this post off air, we have decided to let it stay. The next time El Diego tries to thump his chest, we will politely point him to this post and the numerous articles on the Argentinian World Cup debacle.

Suck it, ya losers! And keep sucking it till you can say it in your sleep- 'El Diego ROX!!!'

Santa Maria! How much you guys troubled me before the World Cup started! Maradona is rusty, you said, Maradona is ineffective, Maradona used 100 players to find a team and Argentina still lost 6-1 to Bolivia. Maradona has got only Messi and Messi will fail. Yadda yadda yakkety yo!

Those journos chased me so much that I couldn't go party with ma' men Chivvy (Chavez) or Fiddy (Castro) for fear that you'd make it into some sort of national spectacle. I aint afraid of anybody, but when the Football Association puts sniffer dogs outside your dressing room to ensure that you aint coking up, you gotta lay low for a while, or else your first real job in years could go Kaboom! Do you know how hard it was, those first couple of days without coke, without even some low-level substitute like pot! I thought I'd die, but then a friend of mine told me how I could smuggle in coke in my you-know-where and I finally had some relief. And now all those days of torture are going to be so worth it, when ma' boys bring the Cup home and I am officially declared the most AWESOME man in football EVER!!! Who knows, I could run for President after the win.

Tell you what, I'm so happy I'll give you guys a treat. I want you guys to compose a song about me, singing about how Awesome I am. First place gets an all-expense paid trip to Argentina to meet me and kiss the Cup. Yeah, of course we'll win! How dare you question my methods?  Go,get started on the song, and it better be better than all that waka waka bullshit Shakira cooked up. And I'll go hug Messi.

Photo sourced from here