Monday, April 19, 2010

Sania Mirza

WHO AM I: Indian tennis player

Sania Mirza

Don’t you guys have a life? Dude, my engagement is over, my marriage is done, even my honeymoon is nearly ending, par tum log to peecha hi nahin chodte! What’s your problem, man?

Yeah, I know, the wedding thing was a little quick. So what? Apparently, it wasn’t quick enough, coz the media got enough time to take my case. Ok, tell you what…I tell you the story of my marriage, and you leave me alone for the rest of your life. Deal? Good.

See, I kinda got my inspiration from Aishwarya. Before marriage, everything she did- her movies, her looks, her affairs- everything was lambasted by the media. But post-marriage, the Bachchan bahu could do no wrong. You see, the Indian media are not interested in married women, their life isn’t hot enough to get drooling readers. So, there I had my solution. I don’t want to play tennis anymore. I’ve got everything I wanted from tennis- name, fame, fortune, and I’m not a greedy person, I want no more. I tried to get away by faking injuries, but that can’t last forever, not with my coach threatening to tell the press. Those self- righteous snobs won’t let me quit quietly. Nope, no way. There would be discussions and debates and talk shows and opinion polls and I’d never hear the end of it. Now I can say I quit to be the perfect wife and manage my home and look after my family and there will be no fuss. And why did I ditch my previous fiancé, and hurry it up with Shoaib? Well, the first guy was a loser, he wanted control over my finances. NO way he was getting that. Shoaib is cool- I let him live his life and he leaves me alone.

I know you want to give me a wedding gift, so here’s what you can do. Write me a nice letter, telling me you love me and support me and you’re my biggest fan and nice stuff like that. Best letter gets my ‘Well behaved women seldom make history’ T shirt, autographed by me. Yeah, the T shirt. And yes, parting warning: don’t stalk me. Kyunki Shoaib ka dhai kilo ka bat tumpe padega na, to tum uthoge nahin, uth jaoge.

Sania Malik