Monday, January 17, 2011

Carrie Prejean

WHO AM I: Model

I know that the public has a short memory, so I’m gonna refresh your mind. I’m the gorgeous girl who lost Miss USA 2009 because she dared to speak the truth, and was vilified (whatever does it mean? I hope my thesaurus is not playing tricks on me) by the US media for her frank views on same-sex marriage. I’m here because I want to let you know one important thing- I am going to be Vice President of USA in 2012.

Google my name and you’ll find how I was targeted unfairly for saying that gays are scum (yeah, I didn’t say it that way, but that’s what I believe). But it laid the path for my political career. You see, after the whole controversy became public, Sarah Palin called me up. She congratulated me for standing up to those liberal turds and asked me about my views on abortion, creationism and gun control. I told her I was conservative through and through, and she sounded very pleased. A couple of months later, she met me and told me that she was going to run for U.S. President in 2012, and she wanted me as her running mate! Thing is, she is looking to target the younger generation, and she thinks that if she had a superhot running mate, young people would turn out in hordes to vote for her. And she’s got the soccer mom vote, along with the soccer dads, and so it’s a sure victory for us. I’m so honoured, I’m going to be the first female Veep, the youngest Veep ever. Nobody will not take me seriously ever again.

Me and Sarah have become really good buddies. We have regular study sessions at each others’ house- we need to learn about domestic affairs and foreign affairs and economy and all that (did you know that the Middle East is a group of countries, not a hooker bar in Texas?). It’s difficult stuff, you know, I have a hard time remembering what I learnt the previous day. But Sarah’s very supportive, and to see how little a U.S. Senator and potential Veep knows is very encouraging. But I think I could do with a tutor, and I’m looking at you guys for help. Broadly, I’m looking for comprehensive tutoring in U.S. Politics, U.S. History, Foreign Affairs, World History, Economics, yeah that should do. If you guys have tutoring experience, please contact me as soon as you can. I will pay you well, more than any student has. It’s worth it, you can put “Tutored future U.S. V.P” on your résumé.

God bless America. And remember, gays are bad.


Image sourced from here