Monday, December 6, 2010

Barkha Dutt

WHO AM I: Journalist

I’ve done the self-righteous angry journalist railing at sneaky media establishments destroying the reputation of venerated journalists who have worked hard at exposing the guilty for years. But it doesn’t seem to be doing me any good. Everybody seems to be on the side of that prick Vinod Mehta and that obnoxious Manu Joseph. I’m going to try a different tack: be repentant and apologetic and quietly tell my side of the story.

Look, I’m a journalist. I get offers every day to twist a story a particular way to show certain people in a favorable light. I turn down most of the offers: there is no way I can show Shibu Soren as a Good Samaritan unless he shaves and takes a bath, even if he offers me a villa on Dubai’s Palm Island. But some things I can do, and it’s cool if I do it. I mean, I’m helping India become a superpower, I’m aiding in the progress of Indian industries and helping Indian industrialists break into the Forbes rich list, which improves our image and will ultimately get us a UNSC seat. And I take a little something for my efforts. I mean, it is tough to twist the story to make Anil look like the petty brother always throwing stones at Mukesh because he’s more successful. I mean, anyone can expose the truth of Mukesh’s underhand dealings where he conspires to pull his own brother down, but the other way involves small hints dropped at opportune moments which come together to form a “Jai Mukesh” tapestry.

Talking to lobbyists is part and parcel of the job. They are just people who know how to make a good deal so that it benefits the giver and the taker. Niira is just another name on my list of contacts; I didn’t do anything special for her. I mean, I understand if I had given her special preference and given her access I denied to others, but there is nothing like that. I treat all my lobbyist friends equally: they give me a perk and I pass on their message. I’m just an interlocutor. You can’t persecute me like this. I hate you guys. I want my momma! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

I don’t want anything from you guys, nothing that I can’t get from my lobbyist friends. I just want you to stop barraging my Twitter account. I’m tired of replying to you sanctimonious twats, who keep @bdutt-ing me to tell me I’m a b**ch who sacrificed journalism at the altar of free gifts. You’re jealous, I get it. But if you want what I got, you’ve got to build up those years of trust, whispering from Kargil bunkers, shouting from the Taj courtyard and all that. I can help you get some of my fame (at a price, of course), but until you do, get off my back.

Image sourced from here