Yo ho and a bottle of rum! And then I break the bottle and use a shard to carve Joe’s name close to my heart. NO! Why should I hurt myself? I’ll take that shard and plunge it into Ashley’s stomach. Yeah, yeah, that’ll be good revenge. But I really need to figure out how to get the hell out of rehab first. Aaaaaaarrgh…I’m going crazy again.
Joe came to visit me a few days back, thankfully without his wh*re in tow. He said he was really sorry for the way we broke up and how he moved on without looking back at how I was doing. He gave me a light kiss, which deepened when we realized how much we cared for each other. And then one thing led to another, and before we knew it we were in the broom closet, all over each other.
Which leads me to my big announcement: Joe and I are getting back together! WOOO!!! It's not totally official yet, coz Joe has to dump that b**ch and I have to convince the docs I'm not hallucinating. These medicos are such asses, they say I've had a complete nervous breakdown and am hallucinating about Joe, cuz apparently Joe has never come by the rehab house. Yeah, right! I know I'm nuts about Joe, but I'm not that nuts! U know wat I’m thinking? Those docs are in the pay of the CIA. Yeah, yeah, that’s y they’re so eager to do all those tests on me n get me to write everything about who I wanna be n wat I feel. The U.S. Govt. is jealous that I’m more popular than them, n they want to destroy me. No, I’m not gonna let them do that! NO WAY! Wait, did they force Joe to enter into a relationship with that b**ch? Oh My God!!! I gotta get out of here before they brainwash me n ruin my career!
I have a special treat for my fans, who've stood by me while I went after my true love. Wedding bells are in the air for me, and two of my lucky fans can plan it. Just send in your plans for your dream wedding, your wedding book, actually. The two best ones can collaborate to plan my lavish wedding, money not an issue. So touch up your wedding books, my ladies, while I go dig up my escape tunnel.
